No, no, that's wrong, too. The real reason for Thanksgiving, duh, is to give thanks. And so many have so much for which to be grateful. For example:

*Mike Vick -- to Stephen King for writing "Cujo," the best book in the prison library.

*George O'Leary -- to the calendar for every odd-numbered year.

*Kansas City Chiefs and Cincinnati Bengals -- to the Detroit Lions just for being there.

*Stan Van Gundy -- to Billy Donovan for having his fingers crossed when he said "I accept."

*John Daly -- to Hooters for cold beer, hot girls and a cool floor to lie upon.

*Miami Dolphins -- to the Wildcat formation.

*NCAA -- to Myron Rolle and others like him that keep "student athlete" from becoming an oxymoron.

*Kimbo Slice -- to suckers being born every minute.

*BCS -- See "Kimbo Slice."

*Pacman Jones -- See "BCS."

*Dallas Cowboys -- to Jessica Simpson for letting Tony come out and play.

*NHL -- to, uh, we'll get back to you on this.

*Joe Paterno -- to Bobby Bowden for his three loses this year.

*Bobby Bowden -- to Joe Paterno for being 82 on Dec. 21.

* Chicago Cubs fans -- to the heavens above because at least a meteor didn't fall on Wrigley Field.

*Sam Zell, Tribune Co. owner -- See " Chicago Cubs fans."

*LPGA -- to Asia for simply being there.

*Isiah Thomas and Roger Clemens -- to the truth in the saying "out of sight, out of mind."

*Washington State -- to Washington.

*Oklahoma State -- to Boone Pickens for, well, everything.

*Orlando Magic -- to Mr. and Mrs. Howard (for their son, at right) and three pingpong balls.

*Jerry Greene -- to each and every reader.

It's a day early but Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Start eating now. I am.

Turkey day TV tips

Male or female, you may not be an NFL expert but want to fit in with everyone watching NFL football on Thanksgiving. If so, here are a few tips to help you pull it off.

*When Tony Romo's name is mentioned, do not ask if that's the guy who has a place for ribs.

*Never say "Move your feet, lose your seat!"

*Do not ask the hostess if she knows the antidote for salmonella.

*And if you start to fall asleep during the middle game because of the tryptophan in the turkey, remember that its effects are instantly neutralized by more beer.

A problem with Vick

"Only one," you ask? Actually check my blog for thoughts on whether Vick should be allowed back into the NFL (I think he should if anybody wants to take the risk). But when he made his cop-out guilty plea to a Virginia dog fighting charge, he told the judge that he apologized to children who looked up to him as a role model.

Can there still be children who think that? Surely that train long left the station.

Serving stuffed notes

*Raise your hand if you think you will ever see Tiger Woods (right) driving a Buick again. Anyone?

*The Dolphins play the Buffalo Bills in Toronto on Dec. 7. Thousands of seats remain unsold, perhaps because the price range for good seats is from $255 to $575.

*Looks like we won't get FSU here for the Champs Sports Bowl -- so how about Miami?

*And it looks like Georgia vs. Ohio State is a Capital One Bowl lock.

*Golfer Stuart Appleby on why John Daly remains a draw: "I guess he's a walking train wreck and, unfortunately, people turn their heads to watch the train wreck."

*The World Anti-Doping Agency is investigating if Viagra can be used as a performance-enhancing drug. Uh, do you want to tell them or should I?

*Thanks to the Central Florida Packer Backers for holding a "Jerry Greene Look-a-Like" competition at One Eyed Jack's on Monday. Sadly, I missed it. But the last time they had one, I came in third.